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Forum > Artists & Authors > Proof read my pantoon.
j00ntree.
Joined: Sep 05, 2010
Post count:5615
Posted: Apr 02, 2012 05:49 PM

Okay so in the poem the second and fourth lines become the first and third lines of the next stanza and the last stanza should be:
second line of previous stanza
fourth line of previous stanza
first line of first stanza
third line of first stanza


The girl that exists in my dreams
Jamie

With her hair flowing like streams
and her skin clear as glass
she swims, no, glides across the sky
to the beat of tiny foot steps

And her skin clear as glass
showing the whispers of her heart
to the beat of tiny foot steps
is pure and free of fear

Showing the whispers of her heart
she is honest, she is transparent, she
is pure and free of fear
while she dances with the wind

She is honest, she is transparent, she
cannot be tamed by simple words
while she dances with the wind
she is free, she is a spirit

Cannot be tamed by simple words
this girl that can only be found in dreams
she is free, she is a spirit
she will dance to her own beat

This girl that can only be found in dreams
she will dance to her own beat
with her hair flowing like streams
she swims, no, glides across the sky
☆~(ゝ。∂)♥(ㅇㅂㅇ)~★
the hyungseok to my taejun.
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